I love a good smash burger. If you’re not familiar with what a smash burger is, you’ve either been sorely missing out or completely oblivious. Maybe you’ve heard of Smashburger, the chain, and you you think you’re a burger pro, but smash burgers have been around well before Smashburger came into existence, and thank the crazy dude that pushed a can of beans into a burger patty while it was cooking for accidentally landing on what is quite possibly the single greatest innovation to ever hit the burger scene.
A smash burger is exactly what you think it is: a burger that has be smashed (aggressively) into a griddle with a spatula and made flat while cooking. You’d think that smashing it would squeeze out all of the juices and make for a dry, overcooked, beef crisp, but you, dear reader, would be wrong. Stack one to four smash patties on a bun with LTO, add some cheese and a good mayo and you’ve got a winning combination.
This was everything that was going through my head when I saw The Brewtorium’s Straight Shooter Smash Burger on the menu. A single patty, some leaves, tomato, onion, pickles (bold move, Brewtorium), and garlic aioli on a pretzel bun, with a side of fries. I added a slice of cheddar. By my own admission, that’s a home run, combined with a slam dunk, combined with a touchdown. But I’m sad to report that the burger fails on three key points.
First, cheese should be melted. I don’t need to go into detail here – you’ve seen not melted cheese. It’s disappointing. But suffice it to say that if all of the corners on a slice of cheese should be well rounded. It doesn’t need to flow like queso, but it shouldn’t be able to hide amongst a stack of Kraft singles like nothing happened.
Second – ok look, I’m not a bread guy. I don’t have the expertise to tell you what makes one kind of bread different from another. I don’t really understand soft pretzels. This was supposed to have a pretzel bun, but if pressed I would have guessed it was made from cornmeal. Soft, yes, but grainy, and texturally wrong. Not a bad bun, by any means – meh, overall.
Finally, a smash burger this was not. No hamburger patties were harmed in the making of this burger. I can’t say for sure – I wasn’t in the kitchen – but I’m certain the chef’s spatula never touched the top side of this burger while it was cooking. No crispy edges, no Maillard reaction, no regret for not having ordered a double. If you told me this was a regular burger I wouldn’t have questioned you, and being labeled a smash burger just feels insulting to the rest of the smash burgers in the world. But if we forego the “smash” label, we end up with an enjoyable sandwich. Not one to write home about, but also not not one to write about here.
Decent. 5/10
