Footy scran. It’s a tradition in soccer. And before you get all uppity about soccer v. football, you need to know that the English came up with the word and then reneged on its use before trying to say us yanks were doing it wrong. In any case, here in Austin, we just got our first professional sports team, Austin FC (ok, I know, we’re hypocrites, too), and with them came a brand new stadium, and of course, stadium food. Q2’s offerings are, for the most part, standard sports fare. Seven dollar popcorn, seventeen dollar beers, and those nachos that only stadiums and movie theaters do right. Austin throws in its own assortment of Austin-y things like tacos, margaritas, and the occasional cameo from a local restaurant. But my favorite is the All Austinite Cheeseburger – some standard, American footy scran.
Now the thing with any food served in a stadium is that you have to lower your expectations a little bit. It was cooked half an hour before you got there, and it sat under a heat lamp next to thirty other items until you managed to get through the line and order it. That said, this one hits pretty good if you can stomach the price. The burger and bun is glued together with a slice of American cheese that has been transformed into super glue though whatever microwave process they used to cook it.
By default, that’s all you get, but the pro move is to ask for the “lettuce” when they hand your order. They keep a stack of individually wrapped LTO sets in a fridge under the counter and it really upgrades the experience from slightly-better-than-disappointing to something closer to passable. You’ll need to carefully peel the bottom bun off (don’t try with the top, the cheese isn’t letting go) without tearing it to bits. You could try to visit the condiment stand and get yourself some mayo or mustard, but at this point you’re carrying the burger, the LTO pack, and a 20oz beer, and the game starts in 10 minutes.
You’ll have to scarf it down pretty quick if you don’t want to have it knocked out of your hands at the sign of the first good play. This occasionally proves difficult as it’s denser than you’d expect. Chew it well, you’ve been warned. Alternatively, you can wash it down almost whole with your beverage of choice. Don’t worry, this is a burger that should be tasted, but it doesn’t need to be savored.
The burger is comforting in the same way that playing with Play-Doh relieves anxiety – and with vaguely the same texture. It’s reminiscent of primary school cafeteria meals, but it’s the best damn burger you’re going to get in the place. Fries aren’t bad either. And if the team can pull of a win you’re in for an even bigger treat.
Listo. Verde. 5/10
